Saying yes when you mean no? Centaury can help you

If you always end up saying yes when you mean no, Centaury can help you.

Centaury is principally a marvellous flower remedy when someone is prone to behave in a servile, obsequious kind of way.

They often get used by others, and say yes when they mean no, and no when they mean yes. So there is a lot of putting others first and not feeling either safe or comfortable enough with their own authenticity, fearing that they might not be either liked or accepted if they put across their own feelings or needs.

Causes for needing Centaury

It is fair to say that those who have an overwhelming need and desire to help others are Centaury “types”, naturally being altruistic and very empathetic people. These are the loveliest of traits in someone, and when they are in balance, they can balance this well, and there is also room for their own feelings, traits and colours. They are, in fact, selflessness in its finest form.

However, when they are finding that their own happiness is the well-being only of others, leaving their own self-realisation exempt, then the balance of this becomes an open invitation to be taken advantage of, and the spirit of the giver and their endless giving becomes pale and surrendered.

These well-balanced Centaury types can do service and serve others without becoming a servant. This type of giving is inspirational and sets a loving example, and is the essence of a duty of care.

Doctors, teachers, nurses, charity workers, carers, therapists, coaches - all who work in fields where other’s vulnerabilities exist - will be blessed by the Centaury type of person, those who go out of their way, to be kind and understanding, whose cheerful smile and thoughtfulness can make all the difference.

I remember once l was in Ambulatory Care waiting, and there was this absolutely adorable lady who was a a phlebotomist there. Each time she came to a new patient to take their blood or put a new medication in their drip bag, she stroked their arm and spoke to each one in the loveliest of ways. She was like an angel going from person to person pouring out her care and love to those who were ill or frightened, and when she came to me, despite how l felt being there, she made me feel safe. This is a gift that l personally feel is very special and that there is not enough of in the world, so when l see in my practise those who have this gift being exploited, l prescribe the Centaury to both maintain their lovely character and also to protect them from those who take or have taken advantage of them.

There are cases where, through the overgiving, there can be a profound loss of self and a deep feeling of resignation that can follow. In this case, l combine Centaury with Wild Rose - another of the flowers which is for deep resignation that all that was good is lost.

Examples of how Centaury can help 

I had a patient who had been in a very long-term marriage, where they had endlessly been the hope and stay to their husband. Sadly, little ran the other way, and it was almost like their own light had gone out because even when they were ill themselves, the other always took precedence over them. They become ill and fatigued and lost on so many levels. After taking a Centaury in combination with other flowers l prescribed, their old self began to emerge once more, and their whole demeanour felt light and awake once more.

Examples of when Centaury is helpful

Centaury is helpful in relationships that have been abusive and when you find yourself living by an abuser's narrative about not only how you are but who you are. Ongoing abuse alters our neural pathways, whereby we can end up not knowing who we are anymore and how we feel because we have been so busy fitting in and pleading for peace. I have prescribed it with marvellous results when someone can end up not knowing where they end or begin because someone else’s version of practically everything has become accommodated for a pale kind of peace. 

So, in general, all kinds of relationships where you are showing up falsely.

It enables someone to regain their rightful place in society and is useful in family therapy where relationships have become exploitative or too dependent.

The pathology behind the Centaury type is that in early childhood, there might have been a threatening pressure of an overpowering environment and a feeling of a need or compulsion to always be on good terms to survive. Sometimes guilt, renunciation and selflessness can come from a cultural or religious background, where we live to serve only and our own needs feel like they need to be eliminated or suppressed.

We can remember here that we do not need to feel guilty for our own happiness but instead provide inspiration by being the individuals we naturally and beautifully are.

Spiritual crippling needs to be internally addressed and we will be far better off being in the company of those who celebrate us.

We all have a right to our own life.

Centaury helps us recognise our own needs, make time for ourselves and be able to help others at the same time and l have seen a lot of people emerge like phoenixes when they have taken it.