Signs your heart chakra is unbalanced and how to heal it

The heart chakra is the fourth chakra (of seven) in the energy system. It is the centre chakra, located over the heart. The most obvious characteristic of someone with balanced heart chakra energy is the ability to give and receive love securely. When this chakra is in alignment, we tend to experience healthy relationships, compassion, empathy, inner peace, self-love, emotional safety, the ability to trust others, and motivation to prioritise our wants and needs – even if this means saying ‘no’ to others and setting boundaries.

The heart chakra can become unbalanced when we experience pain relating to other humans – relationship wounds affect this chakra. Enduring emotional suffering, trauma, grief, or fear, due to our connections with others, often disturbs the heart chakra, and more obviously our mental health and quality of life. Balancing the energy flow in the heart chakra can heal mental anguish. It can also shift how we navigate and show up in the world, living in a way that is healthy not only to us as individuals, but to those around us. If you want harmonious and strong relationships, exploring ways to heal the heart chakra is worthwhile.

It is important to ensure that your heart chakra is unbalanced before you begin the healing process, as it requires a lot of time, energy, and motivation to work through this. Below you will find a variety of signs to help you confirm your situation. If many of the signs resonate with you, you likely have an unbalanced heart chakra.

Signs your heart chakra is unbalanced

• Codependency issues – you are emotionally, physically, and spiritually dependent on someone (commonly a romantic partner). Needing them to feel safe, secure, and fulfilled. This over-reliance on this particular individual may make you demanding and constantly desperate for reassurance.
• Low self-esteem. You struggle to regard yourself in a positive light or to appreciate your inner and outer beauty. Feelings of worthlessness, shame, and insecurity make you want to hide from the world. You have a loud inner critic that tends to sabotage your ability to socialise comfortably and confidently.
• You habitually judge and criticise the people in your life. You may find that you enjoy discussing people's relationship issues or pointing out people's ‘flaws.’ This is what you tend to converse with your loved ones about. You find that being negative comes more naturally than being kind.
• Giving your all to your relationship to the point of feeling depleted and emotionally drained. Rather than feeling your partner reciprocates, your excessive effort only highlights their lack of care and attention.
• People-pleasing – instead of being your authentic self with others, you adapt your nature and character around them to be the most likeable version of yourself. Whilst this may sound harmless, over time this leaves you lacking a sense of self and identity (because you are constantly shifting your personality to suit who you are around).
• Putting everyone else’s needs before your own, often failing to look after yourself as a consequence. Self-sacrificing on both small and large scales may lead to you feeling frustrated, low in mood, and desperate for a sense of control.
• You often hold grudges. Forgiving others is difficult for you as you often feel hard done by – this can result in defensiveness and bitterness. Resentment and holding onto the past makes it hard for you to move forward after conflict. Therefore, empathising with others is challenging, especially when a deep sense of distrust clouds your perception (as it often does).
• Feeling lonely and hopeless when it comes to friendships. You may crave close connections and community but often find that your lack of self-love puts you off trying to meet people (because you fear rejection). Fear keeps you self-isolating.

How to heal your heart chakra

1. Pour time and energy into your relationship with yourself

This is arguably the most important method of healing. Self-love is often the key to solving many issues that manifest as a consequence of an unbalanced heart chakra. How you feel about yourself, affects everything and everyone around you. Repeating affirmations daily to remind yourself of your worth and inner beauty can be powerful. Below is a list of self-love affirmations for the heart chakra.

• I am enough.
• I love who I am becoming.
• I deserve love, joy, and fulfilment. 
• I believe in myself.
• I am worthy of respect. 

2. Stimulate the heart chakra with music, sounds, and vibrations

Listen to heart chakra binaural beats, singing bowls, or gently repeat the mantras ‘lam’ and ‘yam’ to yourself. These sounds should make you feel warm and fuzzy, offering comfort and creating a stimulating sensation in your heart. Allow yourself to listen to the sounds that resonate with you the most; if that is binaural beats (which you can find on YouTube), listen on a daily or weekly basis. Everyone is unique, and different sounds heal people in various ways. Experiment to discover what works best for you – some may find lower tones soothing, while others prefer higher ones. It is up to you to figure out what resonates with your heart.

3. Let your emotions be free!

Journal about the scenarios that have hurt you, the ways in which people have let you down, and the experiences that have left you feeling fearful or traumatised. Release all your pent-up feelings onto paper. If the thought of someone seeing your thoughts and feelings scares you, write somewhere in private and then burn or rip up the paper. The point is not to have these thoughts written down to revisit or dwell on but to give us a sense of release.

If your heart chakra is unbalanced, you likely bottle up a lot of your emotions to ‘protect others’ or to avoid feeling the discomfort these emotions provoke within you. You may find that writing down your feelings of resentment, distrust, anger, or any other intense emotions can help reduce their impact on you. The feeling of being weighed down by your painful past may lessen when you release the words from your head onto paper.

This practice may sound simplistic, but it often creates profound results and is quickly effective. Not to mention, when we write about hurtful experiences, we get to validate our own feelings, hold tender space for ourselves, and gain clarity on why moments in our lives affected us so deeply. Journaling can help us understand, forgive, and move on (and of course heal our heart chakra).

4. Reflect on your previous relationships

Take the time to understand what romance means to you personally. Due to our past experiences, we all learn to navigate and exist in romantic relationships differently. Some of us form unhealthy attachments to partners due to toxic and hurtful histories with romance. However, we do not need to carry on harmful habits and ways of relating to others. We are not doomed to forever struggle in relationships simply because we faced challenges in the past. In fact, we can learn from those struggles and become more aware of what we do not want to repeat. 

Reflecting on our experiences with love can be emotionally demanding and overwhelming. So, seeking help from a therapist can provide that much-needed expertise and guidance. If we want to heal our heart chakra, building trust with a therapist, opening up about how we have been made to feel in the past, and learning new ways to approach relationships can go a long way. Sometimes, the best way to move forward in a healthy, productive direction is to look back at the past, reflect, and learn.

5. Set boundaries with people and use the word ‘no’ unapologetically

We can set necessary boundaries with our loved ones. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but the more we practice making our wants and needs clear, the less of a big deal it will seem. So, start setting boundaries now with the people around you, and notice how over time, you do it without a second thought. The same goes for saying ‘no’; the more we practice saying it, the easier it gets. Using your ‘no’ is not about being rude or difficult, it is about protecting your mental wellbeing. You deserve to prioritise yourself, say when you have a lot on your plate, or when you want some ‘you time.’

Saying ‘no’ to people now and then will mean that when you say ‘yes,’ you show up wholeheartedly. People-pleasers struggle to ‘let people down,’ and because of this, they often tire themselves out by bending over backwards for others. This directly affects the heart chakra. It is worthwhile learning to set boundaries and say no when it feels right for you because this means honouring your true feelings.

It is important to do more of what feels right for you and help others when you have the energy. Living in this self-protective way will not only heal your heart chakra, but it will also improve your connections with others, make you feel closer to them, and give you more control over your life.

If you enjoyed this article, you may find the following helpful:

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