Steps to building fulfilling relationships with EFT

If this is the first time you have become aware of this energy technique, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is a system of tapping on points of the body to release energy blocks caused by stuck emotions.


What is EFT (tapping)?

We are all designed to feel the whole range of human emotions but, sometimes, instead of experiencing the feelings and letting them go, they can remain stuck in our system. Prolonged stuck emotions can cause physical symptoms and increasingly intense levels of discomfort.

Energy modalities such as EFT are very effective for encouraging movement and allowing an easier sense of letting go.

How can EFT help build rewarding relationships?

Firstly, your relationship with yourself is reflected in the people you attract. Relationships don’t tend to thrive when you are struggling with your own self-worth. I am sure you have noticed times in your life when the people around you or the partner you chose were not empowering and positive for you. If you are experiencing the sort of stuck negative emotion that causes you to have frequent feelings of stress, anxiety, self-doubt and lack of confidence, this suggests you are not in harmony with yourself.

It is easy to say "He made me feel angry" and "She made me sad". Beginning to understand the reality - that no one can make you feel anything - is a positive move, as it brings about the awareness that you have a choice. When a relationship does not succeed, we cannot always recognise our part in it, leaving ourselves feeling helpless to the actions of others.

To take back your power, you need to start questioning how you contributed to the situation, as this opens you to take responsibility. Blame and judgement are not helpful but, when you take responsibility, you are really taking your power back to have the ability to respond in a more beneficial way. Once you have taken responsibility for your part, it frees you to take steps to learn from mistakes and relieves the disempowering habit of wanting to chastise yourself.

The good news is, whilst you are not in control of others, you are able to make adjustments to your own thought patterns and feelings. These changes have a positive effect on your beliefs and behaviours which can alter the reactions in those around you.

Starting to tap into your own perception of yourself is relatively easy. Start to pay attention to the negative self-talk that has been running in your head:

  • What do you tell yourself when you make a mistake?
  • How do you label yourself when you don’t feel you have done your best?
  • Notice the corresponding feeling that occurs in your body. What emotion is present? Rate the intensity of the feeling from one to 10. I would suggest if you are new to EFT to start on events and feelings that are moderate (one to five).
  • Do you remember a time you felt this emotion that stands out to you? As a guide, the earlier the event the more likely it is to be the core issue, the beginning of this issue and associated emotion.

Use the tapping procedure described in the tapping points chart, ensuring you are very specific about what is happening when you feel this emotion. An example of a setup might be:

Even though I have this anxiety that feels tight in my chest and I keep telling myself I am not able to do anything about it and I can see my old teacher right in front of me, shouting. I would like to learn to completely and deeply accept love and forgive myself.

Acceptance, love and forgiveness are key to freeing yourself from your own judgement. Once you are able to approve of yourself as you are with your perceived imperfections, you can treat yourself with compassion. Learning to be your own best friend opens the gates to receiving love from yourself and others.

Once you have constructed a suitable setup that encompasses how you feel about the issue you are focusing on, continue to follow the whole tapping procedure. Repeat as many rounds of tapping as necessary until you start to feel calmer, or another aspect of the issue you are working on pops up.

Reassess the intensity of the feeling (one to five) and notice the change in your body and thinking. If another aspect has popped up, rate the intensity and continue with a new setup that describes the emotion, the feeling in your body, or any further internal dialogue and the event it is associated with.

Once you have lowered the intensity, it is much easier to begin to develop new more empowering beliefs and behaviours that are in line with self-worth and feeling at peace with yourself.

Ask yourself:

  • What would I like to learn about myself?
  • What is possible to believe about myself?

Building fulfilling relationships develop from the inside out. You will be surprised how just by gaining a more positive and compassionate thought pattern you will attract more empowering, supportive people.

If you have issues that rate an intensity of six to 10, it is best to consult an EFT professional to guide you on your path to finding emotional freedom.

The views expressed in this article are those of the author. All articles published on Therapy Directory are reviewed by our editorial team.

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Woking, Surrey, GU21
Written by Karen Oliver
Woking, Surrey, GU21

Karen Oliver

07782 381855/01932 403780

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