Giving into grounding: How to support yourself

Have you ever been told you seem unbalanced, off kilter or ungrounded? 

Don't worry, it happens to us all! It's a part of being human. With busy lifestyles, juggling many things, people, circumstances and tasks, it's easy to become ungrounded. 

Signs you are ungrounded:

• feeling disconnected/dissociated
• feeling dizzy, wobbly, uncoordinated
• feeling numb
• reeling restless/fidgeting/overwhelmed
• feelings of fight or flight/overreactive
• thoughts you aren't safe/secure
• constant anxiety
• difficulty holding boundaries/over reliant
• negative thought cycles

For me, being ungrounded means that I have gotten too far into my headspace and have forgotten about my body. 

When I am stressed, I know that my nervous system goes into fight or flight mode, getting ready to protect me from the many perceived dangers out there, like the deadline at work, the many commitments I've made or the bills that need to be paid. 

As I enter overwhelm, my human default is to start attaching stories to all of the things that are seemingly going wrong. The problem is that these unhelpful thought cycles perpetuate the problems and stress, drawing me further and further away from any sense of stability. 

Instead of tending to my real needs, which are to remind myself that I am safe, to breathe, to relax and find my literal footing again, I get lost in trying to find solutions from the point of view of my mind, which can be a really scary place at times, especially when driven by fear. And if I don't take the time to map myself back to safety in my nervous system, I can end up in this uncomfortable place for a while, and eventually, everything around me continues to seem off balance, wrong and gloomy. 

Sometimes this may also occur in physical form, e.g. tripping over, feeling dizzy or confused. Although we should never overlook physical symptoms like this, I know myself well enough to know this is all part of a cycle, and that my nervous system is in a state of dysregulation. My body is working as a metaphor for what is happening internally and trying to signal to me that I am ungrounded. 

Mapping my way back to grounding

Some people might suggest simply going outside and placing their bare feet on the earth. This sounds lovely, and for some of us, it is as simple as that. It's a technique that has lots of benefits. Yet, for others, it can be difficult to feel the connection, and I'm here to tell you that's perfectly normal. 

For example, a client recently came to a session telling me that they had been trying hard to ground themselves recently but were failing. I explained to her that part of the problem could be due to do with the fact that she was trying so hard. 

You see, grounding isn't something you need to make happen; it doesn't require effort, but the exact opposite. It requires surrender and yielding. 

I'm wondering how many of you were instantly repulsed or triggered by that thought? I understand. The thought of surrendering, yielding or leaning into support can make us feel far too vulnerable. Especially if we have learnt to keep ourselves safe by taking care of ourselves. 

Some of us have belief systems that are built on disappointment, betrayal, pain or abuse, to name a few, where the support we needed wasn't there. So the thought of surrendering to the support of the earth or anything else sends our nervous system into fight or flight, possibly even shut down, because it's a dangerous concept.

"Can I be held, unconditionally, with no expectation or judgment?"

The answer is yes, because nature is the one place that doesn't discriminate. It doesn't care how you look or feel or what you are holding onto. When you go out in nature, it simply holds the space. It nourishes and replenishes. If you let it. 

For some of us, leaning into Mother Earth feels scary when perhaps our mothers didn't have the same capacity for love or to meet our needs. Yet Mother Earth is waiting for us to connect. Waiting to share her grounding energy with us and for us to realise it can be safe to lean in and to yield.

I'd like to share an example from my own experience with you. I trained in Brighton a few years ago in a technique called Dance of Awareness, a way to dance through early development stages and access my inner child. 

During the 'Grounding' phase, I noticed that I wanted to get up and dance around very quickly, whilst others explored the floor and took a while to get up. I noticed my frustration and need to move forward. The teacher posed us questions to build insight and asked, "If you are standing right now, what does that say about the way you grew up?" I felt a huge pang in my stomach like someone had sucker punched me! The answer was that I had grown up too quickly, been moved along before I was ready. 

This is an example of a lack of connection with grounding. A conditioned response that I learnt to re-pattern through the dance. I took myself back to the floor and explored my need for connection with the earth, my need to ground in a safe space, and it felt good. Each time I'm in the grounding phase now, I permit myself to stay there until I am ready to move and take that sense of grounding with me as I stand and move. 

Grounding is important for us all. It allows us to feel balanced, stable, and when we feel that way, we can enter what I like to call a flow state. When I allow time for surrender, solutions naturally appear because the truth is I have pretty much everything I need inside. I'm the only one who knows what will make me happy, peaceful or content. The way I can access that is to let go now and then. 

Ways to connect and ground:

There are lots of ways to explore your connection with the earth and grounding.

One of the simplest ways, as mentioned earlier, is to place your feet or lie on the earth/ ground beneath you and listen to your body's response. Remembering not to judge yourself but simply to tune in and get curious. Notice where the body is tight, where can you breathe into the body a little more? Notice what thoughts arise, how can you offer reassurance or permission to work past these? Ask yourself, where can I surrender my weight, or yield my body a little more to the ground? Don't forget to offer yourself some praise for however far you get with the practice. Little steps are fine. 

Another simple technique you can try if you enjoy visualisation or are good at sensing is to place your feet on the earth. Imagine roots from the bottom of your feet like roots of light that go deep down into the earth beneath you (you can choose the colour of the roots.) As you breathe in, imagine breathing in light from the top of your head, the in breath pulling the light down into the centre of your body (tummy or solar plexus). As you breathe out, imagine the light travelling down from the tummy, down the body and down through the roots of light into the earth beneath you. 

As you sink into the practice, notice how the inhales and exhales become longer, relaxing the body. You might also notice the sensations around you, e.g. the sunshine warming your skin or the gentle breeze if outside. 

Reflection

Grounding is a valuable and gentle technique that can bring a sense of inner peace, support nervous system regulation and create a shift in perspective, which can feel empowering. 

However, it's important to remember that we are all different, and if you can't ground in the same way others do, it doesn't mean you are getting it wrong. It may just mean you haven't found your way yet.

If you feel there is a personal block to grounding or require deeper work around building feelings of safety. You could try some other supportive therapies with a trained therapist e.g. hypnotherapy where you practice visualising grounding in safe ways, Emotional Freedom Technique, where you explore the feeling behind your connection to grounding, breathwork to support your relaxation whilst laying down, Dance of Awareness to re-pattern your past beliefs and body responses to yielding and grounding. 

There is no right way, only the way that is right for you. I hope you have found this article a helpful exploration of grounding, and if it hasn't worked for you in the past, I hope you might give it another try.