How much do you value your parenting?
What price would you put on the services you provide to your child? If you had to employ someone to take your place, what price would you put on this? £10,000 a year? £30,000 a year? £100,000 a year? As much as a banker? Or an engineer? As much as a self-made millionaire? Or is it more like the salary of a scaffolder? Or a checkout assistant? What is the value in pound sterling? This is not easy to do - it makes you think, right!
Are these questions strange? To monetise something that is rarely about money, something we do as parents without question or thought. Or is this correct? And should there be a bottomless pot of money for all parents on this planet to be able to be fully supported and to heal any wounds put there from their own childhood. Or am I being a bit of a dreamer?
Speaking as a healing practitioner who supports parents at their wit's end and, sometimes, so deep in struggle, they can’t even see or comprehend the thought of a better way. I come from a place of great respect for parents and also great respect for their children!
Our children push us in every way possible, each pregnancy, each loss and, if we are blessed with this, each child is a gift to us. Sometimes we have no idea what this gift is but I assure you they are. Even if the gift is a big slap in the face from the Universe to go deeper, to delve into our own hidden depths of power and strength. To go to the soul level of our existence.
For me, I always cursed my single parenting and used this as a constant excuse for all my issues:
- “I can’t do that because I have to look after my daughter.”
- “I can’t focus on that because I am a parent and I do it alone remember!”
This was the common vocabulary I used for the first eight years of my daughter's life and my answer to most questions or demands. Now, I realise it was having my daughter that brought me the most abundance and that, because of her, I became rich in many ways that would not have happened otherwise.
I bought my first house because I was pregnant and, therefore, motivated. I studied for my Masters because I wanted a better salary and a focus. I looked after myself more because of my parenting, not in spite of it. But, at the time, I did not see this or believe this. My parenting was always a burden and rarely a blessing. I did it because that’s what you do, -you do it for your children.
That's until I realised it was all about me and I needed to heal. I wanted to heal because the penny had dropped; I was a bit broken.
At my own ‘crunch point’, when I could not use the classic ‘punishment/reward’ approach when my daughter was at the age of six, I had to change. I simply could not bear to punish her anymore. I used to put my daughter in the corner (Supernanny's method). Granted, this was a step up from the empty threats and pure 'rageful' parenting I'd received but was punishment, nonetheless.
This was my turning point before I had even considered being a healer or working in this field. This was the point when I had to separate fully from my daughter's father and I had to begin my own healing journey. My healing came about through my parenting. I began learning about a new way called ‘Hand in hand’ parenting, a popular technique founded by a lady called Patty Wipfler.
The most prominent method was called ‘listening partnerships’ where parents meet up in a structured way and listen to each other. This was transformational for me, to be listened to and heard. And the rest is history, as they say!
Now could you put a price on that? Is there a value on a soul coming into your life and transforming it? This is parenting at its most fundamental, the purest of love. This is possible before you have even become pregnant and, for some, this begins with trying to get pregnant, with their own fertility journey.
Parenting is so much bigger than we can imagine, it is Sacred, especially the tragedies. And as I said, if you are lucky enough to have a child could you then imagine your life without them? Seriously, what would you be doing? And also what has becoming a parent done for you?
In my professional and personal opinion, my becoming a parent absolutely transformed my life and this transformation continues. I am now in the pre-teen phase of parenting, which is overturning many stones in my subconscious and putting me through the mill again. I believe your parenting could do the same and become the motivator for the biggest improvements of your life.
Parenting is an opportunity to heal your own childhood wounds if that is something you are haunted by as I was. I can now safely say I love and accept my parents in all their terrible parenting choices. And I was able to do this through living through parenting myself, I can understand now and I am humbled. This healing is sometimes overnight but some of it is over days, weeks and months.
Generally, the healing I promote is efficient, deep and transforming. But the body needs time sometimes as well to embed these new beliefs into the very atoms of our DNA. I welcome any readers who resonate with me and want to know more, to reach out and join me in the Healing Programme in a group setting or one on one. Love and blessings.
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